You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
