Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
