I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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