Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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