By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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