I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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