then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
