Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
now i know why i became what i already was.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
