I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
