Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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