How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
The adults are the big ones right?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
