omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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