i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
