her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
