She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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