my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Randomize
