I am puke
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
