At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
