Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
