So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
