I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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