I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
he high fived his dick after we had sex
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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