forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
