My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
so let's talk penis.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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