I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
