We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
