Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Randomize