Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
