I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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