Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
