woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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