I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
