It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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