I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
