i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
