i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
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