I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
