Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
