Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
