i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
