I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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