why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
