Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
