my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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