Banned from zoo.
Again?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
