your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
i think i scared a bird with my dick
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
