We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Randomize
