He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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