my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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