I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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