I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
