Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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