he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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