I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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