If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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