stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
