i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
