I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
