I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
