take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize