WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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