i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
