I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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