I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
