Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Randomize
