At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
