She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
