Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
