In America we eat man semen.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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