this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
