also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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