i need an iv and a liver transplant
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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