I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
