She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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