I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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