My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
