chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
