Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
