she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
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